Posted Mar. 2, 2024

I was terrified! It was a Sadie Hawkins dance where the girls get to invite a guy to the Junior High School dance. Of course my girlfriend invited me (the nerd) to go. I sat in a chair along the edge of the gym. Music playing, girls dancing (with a few guys). I sat with a long line of nerd feet along the wall. She was kind and only dragged me out for the slow dances.

Three decades later I’m at a campground in Canada. There’s a live band playing to a packed dance floor. I was sitting with a couple I had met earlier in the day. They loved to dance and were very graceful. Suddenly she walked over, grabbed my hand and literally dragged me onto that scary dance floor. She started showing me how to move my feet and how to hold her. I’m sure every eye was on my fumbling feet. I got through it!

Two days later a woman walked into my printing company and needed business cards. She owned a ballroom dance studio. OK God, what are you trying to tell me? I signed up for a 10 week series of classes. She always had more women in the class than men, so she was thrilled to have me accompany some of the single women. 10 weeks of basics: Fox Trot, Waltz, Swing and Salsa. OK, the fear is gone. She then asked if I would come the next 10 weeks to dance with other women, no charge. I did that for four years. I danced with teenage girls all the way through grandmas. What a profound experience. Not only did I master the moves, but also the people skills. Most importantly, I turned fear into joy! Now my wife and I love to dance. I am comfortable doing only what about 2% of men are comfortable with. When I walk onto the dance floor, I am full of confidence, and the women notice.

Even more importantly, I no longer need to know the specific ballroom moves. I just feel the song, the beat, and let my body respond. Luckily my wife also has that body confidence and follows my lead with grace, even though she has never had a dance lesson. Sometimes we’ll be at a festival or a store and a good dance song comes on. We stop and dance, just to enjoy the moment.

So what’s the point? There are times in life when you have to let go of fear and try something new. This is valid for you and your kids. Even on the playground I watch kids observing the zip line or the big circle swing. It looks scary. Never force them. In play, you have to be ready. You have to desire the adventure. Climbing a ladder or a tree can be scary, but everyone talks about the view from up there. Maybe I’ll try it – next time. If you have a kid who is always moving, get them in a dance class (not ballet). Make sure the teacher is focused on the joy – not performance. It’s not about competitions or showing off.

As for dancing, it changed my life. It brought me a confidence that I did not expect. Put on some good music and my feet wanna dance!

That’s what good play is all about.

No directions, nobody telling you that
“you can’t do it that way”.

It’s pure discovery!