I’m Guilty

This week’s newsletter is a little different than what I usually write. I have been reading a book and was very taken with it’s advice. I wanted to share my thoughts about it with you and I hope you find it of value for your own lives. “I was guilty of trying to grow a new business when I was raising my little kids.”

It’s so much easier to look back at your life and see the mistakes you have made. Does anyone teach a class in school about how life should be lived? Or, do we all just need to stumble through life hoping for the best or following what everyone else is doing.

The book I am currently reading is called “The Men We Need” by Brant Hansen. I met Brant at a Home school conference this spring in Lansing Michigan. He’s different – quirky and funny. But mostly, he’s real! I would encourage you to buy his book or the audio version. I believe it will change your family’s life. Women – buy it for your husband and gift wrap it – no special occasion.

Because I feel so affected by this book, I have decided to make this week’s newsletter an edited chapter from his book.

The chapter I chose deals with life priorities and says what I have wanted to say to so many people I interact with. Here is the chapter....

“...We are smacked thousands of times a day with marketing messages for awesome products. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen or heard an ad that includes, “This item is cool, but you should probably wait before getting it.”

No, the implicit (if not explicit) suggestion is always “NOW!”....

Here’s where I am going with this. If you’re married with kids, now is the time to be home a lot. It’s not the time to relentlessly do “whatever it takes” to build your career. Now is the time to concentrate on the people around you, the ones depending on you.....

You get one shot at this, and it’s only for a season. Now is the moment to make financial and lifestyle sacrifices to make time for your family.

I hear the objections: “Yeah, sure, but if I did that, we’d have to rent a place in a trailer park!” So rent a place in a trailer park.

“I’d have to sell my awesome truck. Are you saying I should drive an old $2000 Corolla or something?”

Yes. That’s exactly what I am saying. You can drive an awesome truck later. Really. For you, it’s not Awesome Truck Season. It’s Kid Season. Awesome Truck Season can start later. Yes, everybody else already has a new truck. But I’ve had to realize that simply doesn’t matter. I can drive an old vehicle. I don’t have to have car payments. An old Ford Focus isn’t nice enough for me? I’m too good for a used Hyundai? Who am I, James Bond?

So we can’t live in a house where everyone has their own private bathroom? Really, it’s okay. Who are we, the royal family of Abu Dhabi?

Let’s say your wife has to work a stressful job she hates because of the payment on your over-sized house. Are you okay with that? I sure hope you thoroughly enjoy having that walk-in closet. I pray that oversize garage will bring you great peace.

“Okay, but what about my golf hobby? If I didn’t work so much, we couldn’t afford it.” Golf later. When you’re older. I’ve heard that some people do that.

“We couldn’t take any vacations!’

Buy a little inflatable pool, put it outside your trailer, and spray your trailer kids with your trailer hose. It’s like a fancy water park without the lines and the $14 turkey legs. They’ll love it. And they’ll never forget it, dad. All that time giggling and playing with you.

“But what about my kids’ college fund? Sure, I’m gone a lot and stressed out, but I’m busting my rear end to help them get in a great college.” That’s a big mistake. They don’t need a college fund. They need you.

You’re not charged with getting your kids a lucrative career. You are charged with shaping their character. The security they need right now isn’t financial security. It’s I-know-my-dad-and-he-knows-me security.

If you have surplus money to put away for college, great. Congrats. But that’s a far cry from what some people do: work themselves to the bone and take on extra hours – which stresses both mom and dad – to make sure their kid gets into this or that school for future career purposes.

And it misses the point. You have them now. You’re needed now. They need you to relax now. They need you to quit modeling now that the point of our existence is career advancement, before they internalize that lie. They need to see you, living a life of contentment in all circumstances. If and when you hit financial tough times, they need to hear you praying through those times.

They’ll always remember those moments. They’ll tell stories about them.

If your kid becomes a doctor but doesn’t truly know you, and he never got to see your real love for your neighbors, well, you missed the point, and you don’t get do-overs.

You’ve got them now.....

“But this makes it all sound so simple....”

Some things are that simple. You may recall the old saying, “no one ever says on their deathbed, ‘I wish I’d spent more time at the office.’” I’m sure that is true.....

Ultimately our lives are about relationships. That becomes crystal clear in the deathbed scenario. It becomes clear in an emergency too. If the house is on fire and family members are inside, we don’t run in to rescue the leather couch.....

When confronted with reality, we’re very aware that our lives are always about relationships. There are windows for particular relationships that open and then close forever.

Don’t buy stupid stuff that interferes with your family life. Don’t make financial decisions that wind up stressing out you, your wife, or your kids. It’s not worth it.

Too many people can’t even fathom having an unhurried family life. They think they simply must do this or that job and work these hours, but often it is to support a lifestyle that isn’t necessary at all. It’s another swindle.

They had one shot. Now it’s gone.

Life is short, and it’s about relationships, relationships, relationships. That means living at a pace of life we choose, not one that’s dictated by our ever escalating material expectations. Amazing how buying into a “lifestyle” can cost us the lives we really wanted.

If you’ve got kids in the house, they are your garden to keep, guard, cultivate and protect. We need men – wives and children need men – who don’t forget what their role is.

This is hard and beautiful and challenging and sweet and frustrating and life-giving and breathtaking and . . . it’s only for a season.”

Do. Not. Miss. It.

.... from “The Men We Need” by Brant Hansen

If this newsletter has struck a chord with you and you know someone who you feel also needs to read this, please forward this to them.

If this newsletter has struck a chord with you and you don’t know where to start to change you own life, this may be your wakeup call. Talk over and discuss this with your family, friends, spiritual leaders, etc. What makes sense in your life now?

Come to Discovery Park Ohio to reconnect with your kids. Come for an evening or an afternoon. Come one time a month. Put it on the calendar. Play with your kids – outdoors!

It’s Fun Being a Kid Again!