Posted July 22, 2023

It is said that the two things people fear the most are “Public Speaking” and “Death”. Speaking skills can be learned, but death is inevitable. I’ve cried many tears over my years. I’ve already lost two wonderful wives to disease. At the farm, I’ve had goats die in my arms and chickens killed by predators.

What do you say to your child when the family dog dies, the cat never comes home or.... Grandma dies? “I'm Sorry” never seemed like a good response to death. The emotions can’t be ignored, but most of us don’t want to deal with the issue. It’s hard to help your kids understand death when you as an adult are also struggling with the issue.

    1. First, you need to get your heart right with the inevitable. We all believe we will be old when it happens, but tragedy can strike any time without warning. Always leave your kids, spouses and close ones with them knowing how much you love them. To help reduce your own fear, look up some YouTube videos on “Near Death Experiences (NDE)”. The stories people tell after dying and returning are beyond amazing and will probably dispel many fears.

    2. Involve kids in ceremonies celebrating how wonderful your dog was, that special gerbil, even the goldfish found belly up. Even plants die (do you bury them?). When they understand that all things have a “time”, it will make more sense as they try to piece together their understanding of life.... even though it doesn’t make it easier.

When Grandma dies, we haven’t stopped loving, remembering and thinking of her. We will miss someone always, but find a special place in our hearts where her spirit and memories remain with us. Maybe say “If Grandma was here, what would she say or do?” Maybe plant a special garden for her or even for the pet dog that died. Give children space and time to mourn the loss or process the concept of death. It is a part of life and learning how to understand it in a positive, loving way will help them in all of life.

Rather than say “I'm Sorry”, maybe a better response would be to ask for the person to share what were the highlights of their life – what are your favorite memories of them? But don’t be afraid to cry.... emotions need to be released. Grief is very real.

How do you deal with your children who have lost a loved one?
Comments are always welcomed. Steve

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