Posted Mar. 4, 2023

It’s 3 in the morning, if it weren’t for the waves of wind roaring through the trees, it would be impeccably silent. Words matter! Usually I know where I am going when I write a newsletter, but in spite of the stillness, my mind is yelling – write. Our relationships with those around us are built or destroyed with the words we use. Yes, actions are in there, but words are the control buttons. Life is complex. It needs to be. If it were boring, we wouldn’t be challenged to grow. Every obstacle/event that happens to us challenges us to a new understanding of this world – of ourselves. Words matter. Words are how we interpret our inner being in relationship to this particular event, today – at this moment. Words are abstractions that represent our emotions and understanding of life. We may have deep sadness or overwhelming joy, it comes out in words. We can’t mind-meld to share what is going on with someone else. So we use words, some are verbal, some are invisible in our body language.

Words matter. With them you can destroy another person or elate another. It may be your partner, your kids, your parents, your friends or your boss. Every relationship is molded by the words that come out of our mouth. You have heard the phrase “speaking from the heart”. That’s where thoughts and emotions mix together and pour into this world. But you need to be in control! Words matter! When we choose to verbalize our frustration with others, it will trigger negative things in them. Some reactions may be visible as a backlash. More importantly, your frustration may also cause irreversible damage to the other’s heart, their sense of worth in a fragile and demanding world. You may be angry with your boss – they have feelings. They may feel inadequate in leading your team through tough times. They have struggles in their personal lives that may be surfacing in how they are relating to you. Same with your partner or kids. We are all struggling through life trying to figure out each moment. Planning ahead is only marginally important because life just throws stuff at us. Didn’t see that coming! Ponder those words. Are they building a relationship or destroying it? Words matter.

A second thought about words. This is more fun. Words express power! Surely you have been around someone who bores you. Others you can’t wait to engage with. Many times it isn’t that one person is better than the other, it’s just their skill at using words. I have met and talked with thousands of people. I hate small talk. Express who you are. Show me that you know who you are! When I was dating, I often asked early on for them to tell me who they are. They would start telling me about their education or job. I would stop them and point out that is what they do. Tell me who you are! Many couldn’t. Time to move on. Those that had stopped long enough to really search for how to answer that question usually turned into friends or at least valued people. It isn’t so much what they said as it was a connection at the heart level. Of course, I also had to be willing to open up at that level.

Words matter! I keep coming back to that because we throw words around with such carelessness that we fail to consider the impact on others. Reports are that 50% of teenage girls have considered suicide. Is it because the connectivity of cell phones in their lives allows mean words to be thrown out – words you would probably never say to someone’s face. Words matter! Are you choosing words that build your relationships – partner, friends, kids. Or are you sabotaging that connection. I choose to love you, even if I haven’t met you – yet. That is an internal choice I make each day. I don’t know what is going to cross my path. I can’t control most things in life. The challenge is to daily learn how to forgive, to love, to understand, both others and myself.

“I’m going back to bed!”